November 23, 2007

Thanksgiving



Here’s a game, called “masturbating or carving a turkey?” Go. Time’s up. Wrong, I wouldn’t do that in the kichen. I thought I came from a fairly intelligent family until they let the vegetarian carve the turkey – talk about a lack of investment in the outcome. I’ll cut it, I’d probably kill the bird, but I’ll be damned if any of that soul-filled shit enters my mouth. Disgusting.

I haven’t been home in a while, and how things have changed. Two of our neighbors, entirely independently of each other, got pet llamas. Confounding, I don’t get it either. Yet somehow I want one now, a pretty one, one to cuddle with on lonely nights. This is Lenny, I named him and gave him a background story. Lenny was the scruffiest llama in the herd, and all the other llamas made fun of him for it, but then it got really really cold, and all the llamas were cold and miserable, but Lenny had so much scruffy fir that he made a blanket and saved the entire herd. I hear llamas spit like camels, but all I felt was love.

I think there should be some sort of system to facilitate a relative swap, some web 2.0 startup needs to pick up on this. My relatives live in NorCal, and I’m sure there is someone out there in NorCal with relatives in the south. So we switch it up – I’ll borrow her family while she visits mine. Everyone wins. Kind of like a timeshare. Craigslist might be the appropriate venue.

God damn I fucking love pumpkin pie.

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4 comments:

Justin said...

Do you know what an alpaca is? They are perfect for the one, such as yourself, that yearns to own a llama but finds themself living in the confinds of the urban landscape.

see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpaca

Justin said...

I just realized that I refer to you as "the one" and I'm affraid what this might do to your ego. Really it was just a typo so don't let it go to your head.

Johnclimbrok said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Johnclimbrok said...

Also, you're not a vegetarian. Just so the record is clear, I watched you scissor the head off of a snake before you ate it, snails, chicken and dog. Yeah fucking right you don't salivate at the thought of consuming some turkey soul. You're getting soft.