Horribly Negligent

It is unconscionable, I know, but in my defense, blogging isn't my highest priority in life. And I'm lazy. Rousseau was right, why did god make us so damn lazy? You want to get rid of sin, give us a constitution that allows for more productivity. 

Productivity is on my mind these days as I sit in SoCal frantically writing my prospectus. It's got to get done, may as well be now.

In the meantime, as I procrastinate with this post, here are some photos from last week's trip to Tuolumne. Long moderates were the norm, although an inspiring day on Peace makes me want to return. But, oh yea, the prospectus.

Charlotte lead all of Cathedral Peak. I got guided.

Party ledge on top.

Jumping off the lip at the Third Pillar of Dana.

Tenaya Lake, of course.

Charlotte on nubbins at Medlicott.

josh photo shoot

I spent monday at Josh shooting some photos with Greg Epperson. We spent 13 hours on this. In the heat. Being pretty is much more difficult than climbing hard. First we have Factor One, a 13a next to Father Figure near Barker Dam.

Then a little Rastafarian.

Now New Deal, possibly the first 14a established by an american.

Finally My Idea of Fun, a cool looking dike out Echo Rock.

A Moral

I'm still here in Africa, but everyone has now left me. I'm the lone American here, except for the other one, but I don't ever see him. Therefore he doesn't exist. I'm living with a bunch of Germans, driving a beater bug, and overall sick of this continent.


On the bright side, the flowers are in their prime. I'm beginning to see why old people might make the trek out here to see them. I mean, if there were nothing else for me to do, I'd be right with them.


On the climbing front, I've got a number of projects. Nothing I'm all the psyched on, but then again, I've been here way too long. Some of the climbs here sure are lookers, like Black Mango Chutney (7c+) below.


Rain and horseback riding are in my near future. As is pizza. I finally have internet in my house, so my clairvoyance is picking up more posts as well. I think I'm missing home, or am I just ready to leave Africa? Either way, more of the same would be easier to bear if Amna were still in the hemisphere. Apparently loneliness is the price to pay for buying the ol' ticket on a whim. Remember that. I need to remember that.

Falls and Falls

Dihedron is intense. My first go at the lead was plagued by nerves. For good reason it turns out. I fell and pulled 3 of the 5 pieces I had in! Thank you small-ass BD stopper. I'll try again soon. Some photos from Greg Epperson, and more from Robert Miramontes in the slideshow above.

Rubber McCheatey Gloves

For a short primer on giving me shit, take a look at these comments. Thanks for sticking up for me Dom, but I wish your proof reading skills matched your analytic ones. But what could you hope to do against old friends being a pain in the ass, as always. Without those douche bags, I'd have such an inflated ego. How horrible that would be, me having an inflated ego, how horrible, how horrid.

So I believe some words are in order. I'll begin, like Lewis Carroll, at the beginning. Randy Leavitt FA'd Dihedron in the 90's using rubber palm gloves and fixed pins. I've always loved the idea of rubber gloves, and after I'd tried the route a few times, I had to have it. My first attempt was a bit of a failure: I bought a pair of hand jammies and turned them around so the rubber was on my palm. Take a look, stylish no?


The real problem is that hand jammies are made to pull out of the crack. When you palm the force goes on the fingers, not the wrist. The elastic around the fingers simply stretches away, or in more practical terms, you fall. That's not good when your pro consists of RPs, so something had to change.

Back to the store, but this time I was looking for something a little more mundane. A pair of leather fingerless weight training gloves. Kevin at Five Ten added green rubber to the palm, you know, green rubber, the stuff on the toe of the Jet 7. I little snip snip to the rest of the fingers, and this is what I ended up with.


How nice these feel! They save the palm while making it stick better. What more could a brother want?

That's it for the background, now time for the defense. These are the reasons to use gloves on this climb, in descending order of importance. I'll number them for ease of commenting:

#1 - Style! Black leather glove on the left hand only. I could even add rhinestones. 'Nuff said.
#2 - Save those palms! J-Tree is so rough on the skin, and this climb can rip holes in the unprotected palm unless you wear protection. And I always do.
#3 - The FA! Gloves were worn on the first ascent, so there is a precedent. Speaking of precedent...
#4 - Kneepads are permissible! People wear kneepads for two reasons, to save the skin and to make kneebars more secure. I'm wearing palm gloves for the same reason.

There you have it. What says the masses? You've seen what they can do, you've seen how stylish they are, they were used on the FA, and they are entirely analogous to using sticky rubber in other places (oh my!). Bring on the controversy.

Dihedron

I've got some things to say about hand gloves, but before we get into the finer nuances, have a look for yourself at what they can do. That's a 14a top rope you're seeing there. Unfortunately the pro is mostly RPs and micro stoppers. I think a few bouldering pads are in order, even with the Cheatey McGloves.

Think about it, dwell on it, I'll show you my power source tomorrow...

J-Tree is Rad

Look at that boulder thing I'm all up on. What the name? Who knows, I forget, oh well. One of thousands, why bother naming them all? If I had sextuplets, they would all be referred to numerically. "Stop hitting your brother Mistake #5, it's time for dinner..."

While I think of a way to defend the use of rubber gloves in...uh...climbing, read this. It's funny, trust me.

[UPDATE]: I forgot to give credit to the photographer, Robert Miramontes. Also, there isn't any photoshoping. The rope is there, the hand jammies aren't. But wait...

The Bypass

I know, I know, I've been a horrible person. Sorry J & S, but if you were cooler people, I'd have come to Bishop. So really it's your fault. Or maybe I'm partly to blame - I've been working my ass off on a phil project, learning stuff. I have so many photos from Turkey that I've been overwhelmed. The next post must be about my trip, I've been thinking, but that involves so much photo editing that nothing has come of it. So I bypass.

Anyway, here is Amna Jaan on Breakfast of Campions (5.8+) at J-Tree, my area of choice the last few weeks (yes, those are hand jammies you see). I've been working Dihedron, a 14a dihedral that Randy Leavitt put up in the 90s. I've got a rubber glove for my left hand, it helps with the palming. And damn, palming is all that left hand does for 50 feet. Photos to come, I swear.

Honestly though, the blogging is back.

The Return

Awwwww...

I'm back in the US, and more photos to come. Soon...

Once I get my life together again.

Raining in Germy

It's raining today, spoiling my rest day plans of Mt. Olympos. Looks like I'll have to cook my dinner over a stove instead of the eternal flame. I can't stand the rain, even on rest days. That's why I live in the desert.


There are Germans everywhere here! Mein Deutsche ist verbessern, but I flew to Turkey, so wtf? Check out his glasses, cute huh? This way he can look up without hurting his neck. Germans are weird. And not hip at all.


I spend my days taking portraits of animals, since the rain keeps me off the rocks. Look, a turkey! You're a long ways from home - or maybe turkeys belong in Turkey? I suppose it's fitting, although I swear they came from America. One more export for the US of A, right behind movies, sex, and rock and roll.


See those things on top of the buildings - every single structure has one here. That there is a passive solar system. The water flows through thin pipes in the array and absorbs the heat, no gas or electricity required. Why don't we have those in the US? We are lame.

Geyikbayiri

I lack a robust understanding of where I am in the world right now. It isn’t that I’m entirely clueless, but I definitely don’t have a firm grasp on it either. Turkey is on the Mediterranean Sea (or is it the Aegean?), somewhere between Europe and Asia, the western world and the middle east, the 70s and today. For you see, mustaches are quite big here. Observe. The fire was warm, he beckoned me closer.


Islamic prayers echo throughout the valley five times a day as the local mosques sing Allah Allah Allah. I’m in a small village near the city of Antalya on the southern coast, camping with a bunch of Germans. Sometimes I think I flew to Munich instead of Istanbul. I went into town the other day and a local mistook me for a Deutsch. Fuck that.

I really don’t feel like I’m out of Europe most of the time. Check out the accomodations, very Rodellar-esque, no?




The climbing is better than decent, with big tufas, my friends. No climbing photos yet, the rock is pretty hard to shoot because of the lighting and flora obstructions. You can see a glimpse of the orange limestone past the goat, but remember to hide your food or these hoofed menaces will ravage the lunch.


The ratings are super fun-soft as well – I’ve been a heartbeat away from onsighting two 13ds. Sorry dudes, I don’t onsight 13d. I think an across the board cut of two letters is likely in order, but it’s been so long since I’ve been on a rope, my calibration is all off.

I leave you with some final shots of…puppies! If these photos don’t melt your heart, I pity your loveless existence.

Regeneration!

This is the hardest problem I've ever done on a boulder, my Yabo Roof, if you will. The journey started way back in March, but I've always cared more about the destination, so no more details on that. Suffice it to say that this climb has done its damnest to thwart my ego - good thing it's quite resilient.

Dave Struthers put up this climb in 2001, back when the Mandala was cutting edge. It was one of the hardest climbs in the country at the time, although his ascent didn't get the press it deserves. The moves are technical and body position is paramount - look how I crawl up this rock in the video. Having learned my lesson on Thursday, I set up the camera before my first try, and luckily one go is all it took. The season ends next week with the storm and my fingers ended when I topped out with holes, so one go was all I had.

This caps a productive season up at Black Mountain. I've completed most of the established hard climbs, and the era of FAs can begin. But no! The snow! My ambitious will have to wait for the Spring. Perhaps this is for the best, sometimes a forced hiatus is fitting.

Grades, Grades, Grades

I heart this photo, Tour de France (v7) at Black Mountain, 80s style. People have been climbing up there for such a long time - lots of history - it really makes the area magical. With any boulder, you never know if you're doing something new or doing something an old man ticked off years ago, without a pad. I keep waiting for the 80s to call and ask for their FAs back.

Today was far too short - I really can't stand this whole dark-at-five thing. I think we should have a lunar calendar. Would that even fix things? I don't understand. I quickly did a direct start to Buzz Saw at Black, starting on the waist high crimps behind the tree. Who knows how hard it is, probably about v10, like everything else. Does v11 even exist, or do they just jump from 10 to 12?

Then Amna and I headed over to the far side of the mountain. We split up for a bit, which seemed to work well since she sent Center Visor (v6) and I got Ex-Patriot (v10) while apart. We finished the day around Bang-On with back-to-back ascents of Adamantium Sit (v9) and Round Boulders Arete (V4). Btw, Adamantium sit is not the "Mandala of Black Mountain," as someone's 8a says, but actually kind of sucks in a sharp-owh kind of way. I also fondled Bang-On a bit, but no dice with that first move - hard hard.

I hate to say this, but I hate grade inflation even more. SoCal climbers can't rate boulder problems. I'm losing faith. Ex-Patriot is not a soft v12, but rather a mid-range v10. Adamantium is far from v11. When doing an FA, take a grade off of what you think it is, since you know future climbers will find better beta, have cleaner holds, be more motivated. End of story.

[UPDATE]: My original post was too mean and unjustly singled out one individual - I must have been on the rag or something. I abstracted and cleaned it up with a broom, so while not spotless, it looks nicer than before.

The Tulip Odyssey

For every good day of climbing, there are always a couple of shitty ones. Last week I suffered one of those. I fell on the top of Regeneration (v12) at Black, one of the hardest rock climbs in the history of ever. Later that day I did Tulip, only to later be told that I started one move into the problem. Similarly, Dave fell on the topout of the Tour de France Sit (v10) twice.

It was a day of misery depression, we both felt like hollow shells of men, and I only now got the confidence to discuss the issues. I got Tulip my next day on it, Dave sent Tour his next day, and all is well in Alan's world.

[OBSCURE UPDATE]: The trailer for Rampage shows Sharma on the Tulip for about 2 seconds at the 25 mark.

The Tulip

I have always accused arguments from intelligent design of succumbing to confirmation bias, so as proof there is no god, I give you the Tulip (v10), a great climb marred only by the fact that it is two feet off the ground. If there were a god, he would have made this boulder problem more aesthetic.

Sharma got the FA in the old Rampage video, calling it v10. Since then a hold has broken in the middle (listen for the BAH!), changing the beta and making it harder. Because it's such a damn low traverse and get's sun all day, it rarely sees the repeat. I think this is the second post-break ascent, the first was done by Tye Landman who called it v11 on his 8a with the comment "hard." Alright kids, let's be fair though - he also called Ubiquitous v11, which is not only wrong, but dreadfully so.

I've considered it a v11 for a while, but today it felt easy, so I feel a little guilty with the upgrade. I'll punt on this one - v10 for now, and perhaps there will be a revision in the future.

Plane Wreck

Check out the remains of this plane up at Black Mountain. There are all these chunks of melted aluminum scattered on the ground around it - looks like something out of Terminator 2. Are they all going to pool together and morph into a killing machine from the future? I'm safe, if it were going to happen, the time was decades ago.

What else though? Got that thang Smackdown (v9) at the Boulder Basin. Apparently people stack pads on this one to reach the first hold, ha! It's a jump start, otherwise it's like, hell, v3. I guess it depends on how many pads you stack though. No no no, you better be jumping your ass up there or you are a big phat phony. Still, one of the best at the mountain.

Got a few other little gems. The sit to Tour de France (v?) just went this summer. It felt a little like v10, but I was using holds without chalk. Ah, the reason I haven't worked it before - lack of a clear line.

Hitler Plans

This is the funnies thing I've ever done. And probably the funniest thing I'll ever do. The protagonists are Hitler, Justin, and John. The setting: my bunker, summer '08. This shit's going viral. I spent a whole hour on it, so praise my speedy speed.

Is this what life becomes, a little like Vietnam, watching all my friends die/get jobs? I leave you with some knowledge, T.S. Elliot style:

I grow old - I grow old.
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Velvet Revolver

More movies, coming at you. All the beta that's fit to show for Velvet Revolver (v9) at the Black. But the mystery foot that get's cut off? You'll have to figure that one out for yourself. I'd love to have a little clip of Joe the Cameraman sending this rig, but alas, another day and another time.

I'm sick of this shitty camera, it's time to upgrade soon. Donations? Anyone? For a good cause? Ah yes, the tragedy of the commons. Miss Amna Shiekh has denied me the use of hers, something about not trusting me with a breakable physical object. I suppose she is quite intelligent then, isn't she? That's probably why her time these days is all spent applying for grad school, a miserable process, just follow the link.

All I've got to say is that I miss my training buddy!

Return to Black Mountain

First day back to the Blacky after what, a four month hiatus? Time has not been kind to me. I walked around, check up on my old rocky friends, which are doing just fine, and even climbed some blocs! Let me put it on the record here, v8 is hard. It really is.

In this video (with fancy editing!) one can witness Alan Moore on Ubiquitous, a newish v9 in the campground. Looks like I got the name wrong in the movie film. It was originally rated v12 but the FA dude, but it's looking like that was a few grades off. Oopsie. The lesson: always take a grade or two off of new problems you FA since others will always find an easier way up those holds.

Night Bouldering Returns

Night bouldering at the Jupiter boulders today, with Nic (complain-a-thon, damn) and Dom. I tweaked my knee a little on a heel-hook thing, but no bother, I'm good for it. Getting back into shape, getting cool enough to climb hard, things are going well.

Question though. Why does 5.10 makes shoes with a heel that is nothing like the shape of a human foot? And why do they make shoes (V10, Dragon, Jet7) that only get good right before they wear out? You have a shitty shoe for a month, it finally gets broken in, then a week later you have a hole.

On the same note, what is this? Seriously Urban Climber? That's like a photo I would take, except it is hasn't been deleted from my computer because it sucks. There is nothing good about it. Should I explain why? The body position isn't aesthetic, she is on a V0, her cuffs look all disheveled, she needs a conditioner that gives her hair body, and what's that in her pocket? A copy of Teevee Guide? Seriously?